What should I do?

How to make good decisions

One of the most common issues I work with people on as a coach is indecision. People often find themselves at a crossroads, not sure which way to go. Sometimes the decision consists of two (or more) equally enticing paths or between the best of disappointing outcomes and sometimes you know there's a problem but don't know what to do about it. Either way, the problem usually doesn't lie with the actual result but rather internally with the decision maker. What is blocking the clarity of the decision?

What holds many people back from confidence in that final decision is fear. Fear of choosing the wrong path, fear of buyers remorse, fear of the responsibility that goes along with being the ultimate chooser, fear of repeating past mistakes, fear of not knowing what is right. Being caught in this loop can become paralyzing. It is important to learn how to make decisions because indecision eventually becomes a decision in itself and can leave you feeling powerless. Remaining undecided can sap your energy and prevent forward action which is necessary for success. Think of a toddler, they don't agonize over choices, they instinctually know what they want. No second guessing, no stuck feeling and no buyers remorse. Toddlers simply choose what feels right and if it turns out they aren't happy, they turn around and boldly choose something else without guilt, shame or fear. This is simply the reality of living.

What happens to us as we grow up that creates all this chatter in our minds obscuring that "right" feeling? What is lost or gained that gets in our way? The thing is, children are directly connected to their intuition. The world of peer pressure, judgement, looking good to others, self criticism, the media and all the "shoulds" have not occurred to them yet. They have no past to creep in and create assumptions or hold them back, no fear to alter their belief and confidence in what makes them happy. Children have brains that are essentially blank slates awaiting connections. Adults have filled their blank slates with a mountain if interference. 

Us grown-ups also have intuition, it just becomes buried under all our experiences and judgements (brain connections and shortcuts) until we barely trust it or even recognize it. When we aren't sure what unencumbered intuition really feels like we try to inject logic into the picture. Instead of connecting to what feels right, we forget what feeling right feels like and begin to rationalize outcomes to avoid our fears. Logic is important, but when we let our emotions take over, our thinking becomes too murky to extract what is logic, what is emotion and what is intuition.

One simple but powerful exercise I have my clients do when they feel paralyzed by indecision is called Holographic Thinking (thanks IPEC). Holographic Thinking begins with a blank slate and knits together the 3 main aspects of decision making, culminating in a clear reading on intuition. 

Holographic Thinking

1. Logic  - What are the logistical concerns of the situation?
   Imagine there is no fear and describe just the facts.
    
2. Emotional - How do the possible outcomes play into your big
   picture goals and your values? Does one outcome align better
   than the other with what you stand for?
    
3. Intuitive - Imagine yourself having made the decision with each outcome. Really put yourself in the situation, how it looks, what is going on there. Now ask yourself how it feels in your body being there? Does it feel exciting and fulfilling or are you nervous and unsure etc...? This is your intuition talking. 

There are many exercises I use to help my clients find clarity on their decisions and make them with confidence and joy. But Holographic Thinking consistently helps them to move forward. It is useful in almost all cases and can be done relatively quickly. Try it next time you feel unsure which way to go.