Just Think Positive!

Who hasn't heard the advice, just think positive! If you think positively, you will attract a positive outcome. It sounds simplistic and counterintuitive. How can we just suddenly change our thinking and even if we could, how would that change all the outside circumstances in our lives? 

There have actually been decades of research on this topic. It is one of the underpinnings of cognitive-behavioral psychology. It has been proven in many arenas (sales, sports, relationships, politics, financial success...) over long periods of time through a multitude of studies that the way people think and talk about things is directly reflected in their lives. 

At an early age, we learn through experience that what we do matters. We typically learn as children to direct our behavior towards ensuring things go well for us (we get the toy we want or mom comes to pick us up or feed us). Sometimes, however, we learn to expect that no matter what we do, it makes no difference in the outcome (parents may be too busy or focused on their own problems to notice or help). Martin Seligman, one of the founders of cognitive behavioral psychology calls this early learned way of thinking "learned helplessness". We basically learn that nothing we can do will effect the outcome, so why do anything. Once we learn that our behavior does not effect the outcome of our situation, we essentially give up and form a way of thinking, speaking (even to ourselves) and consequently responding that prompts us to act "helpless" by doing nothing in a situation that calls for action. This chain of thought - internal speech - action stays with us and becomes the way we operate. Even as we grow and situations arise that call for us to act, we basically "play dead" when faced with a challenge. Conversely, those people that learned early on that their actions do make a difference in their environment tend to persevere through challenges, not give up, remain optimistic about the outcome and predictably, succeed. 

Learned helplessness is another way of describing depression. We all feel depressed at times but why is it that some people tend to remain in that state, allowing it to destroy opportunities and sap their energy while others move through it quickly and on to success and happiness? Some depression is hereditary and some is acquired through experience and habit, and while it is a natural emotion to pass through in life, some people tend to get stuck there. 

When you make a mistake, do you tend to think of it as caused by the way you are, as something that keeps happening to you or as a dark cloud that follows you around? When you have a triumph, do you think of it as inevitable because you make great things happen and because you focused on the issue and tackled it head-on? Thinking in an optimistic style versus a pessimistic style has been proven time and again to have a huge effect on what happens next. Our style of thinking is created and constantly pruned from a young age and rapidly becomes obscured from our view. Even if we are aware we tend to be pessimistic, it is almost impossible to stop thinking that way. To the pessimist, the reasoning and justification behind their successes and failures are just "the truth". They are not aware that it is only one possible perspective, and one that keeps them stuck. So what can the pessimist do?

There are quick assessments that gauge your level of optimism and pessimism. If it is determined that a pessimistic style of thinking (and speaking) is holding you back, simple techniques can help you build new habitual ways of thinking. One of the most common of these techniques developed by Seligman asks you to break down your thinking any time there is a "problem" into 3 parts.

Questioning Beliefs with ABC

1. Adversity - define the problem
    
2. Belief - Separate the facts of the problem from the beliefs you have about what it means. Examine those beliefs.
    
3. Consequence - Define the consequence of those beliefs.

What you will notice if you start doing this is that your beliefs almost always cause the consequence of being "upset" or "frustrated" or whatever emotion is making you view it as a problem and not the actual facts.  

Once you are comfortable with breaking down your beliefs like this and it becomes habitual, you can then learn to refute them with the arsenal of an optimist. The truth is we are already experts at doing this no matter what our style of thinking is. We can easily and believably refute a biased statement made by someone else, especially if it is directed towards ourselves or our loved ones. Think about it, how much effort would you have to put into defending yourself if a neighbor or co-worker insinuated you or your partner were being lazy? Not very much. When the pessimistic outlook comes from outside ourselves, we can readily find a multitude of solid justifications and alternatives, but when it comes from our own brains, we see it as the irrefutable truth. 

Learning new ways of thinking and speaking more optimistically is something I work on with many of my coaching clients. There are habits and techniques that if practiced regularly can greatly increase your optimism and quickly show you why people with positive attitudes experience much more success and happiness.